I was reading this BLOG the other night and i saw this post, So, i contacted he to post her work. I busted out laughing! Here it is...
Jess, Georgia, US
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Flight #2528
Not making light of the topic, but a group of friends and I were discussing what we would do to survive if we were lost in the mountains. We all came up with some really great ideas, and I let them believe that their plans were fool proof, but we all know... I'd be the one to survive. After listening to their list of skills and ideas, I do believe I have most of it figured out...
I wake up late, running around the house throwing things together for my flight. I make it to the airport just in time. This is my first time flying, so I'm a little nervous. The flight is going great, my nerves have calmed down and I'm enjoying the experience. There's a guy sitting ahead of me with a Yankee cap on and one behind me banging on his laptop fussing about some bids. All of a sudden, we feel vibrations. The plane shifts and loses elevation.
I wake up. I'm cold. I can still hear the sounds of screams in my head. I look around and see something moving. It's a group of others that have gathered and are trying to sort through the bodies, looking for other survivors. There's only a few of us alive. We ravage the plane for food and blankets and try to figure out how we're going to get out of this.The first night was the worst. I couldn't sleep, so I just watched everyone else and made sure they were ok, while I was sneaking food. I go back and find a comfy spot to rest. When everyone wakes in the morning, we find that we lost a member.
It seems that
Yankee suffocated during the night, due to someone sitting on a pillow on his head. Oops.The second day was spent mourning the death of our dear dear friend, while we chowed down on some Boston, I mean, Yankee butt.
The strange guy,
Watch, spent the afternoon piddling around with the wreckage. None of us were sure of what he was doing, but during supper, he ran in screaming, "I've done it!". Everyone dropped their plate of ribs to run out and see what he was doing, but I.... I stayed behind and finished their food. When I went outside of our man made cave, I could hear them talking about how sleek it was. "That baby's gonna ride smooth",
Bennie added.We decided to take it out for a test ride, men up front, of course. We were creeping down the mountain, taking our time. Watch was figuring out how to steer it, when all of a sudden, we started going faster and faster. I fell off the back and watched the men zooming towards a tree.
They crashed into it! Bodies flew everywhere. Poor
Greg and Watch were so ripped to pieces that we couldn't tell which leg belonged to which body. We loaded the body parts onto the sled and walked back to our cave to rethink this whole plan.I worked and worked on the sled, making sure that we had some type of protection for our next attempt.
Neo and Bennie were in the kitchen, slaving over our make-shift stove. I was covered in blood and completely exhausted when I realized that I needed more parts. I decided to take a little break and eat. It was the best meal yet. Neo was getting very weak from not eating and I knew we had to get him out of there quickly.
I woke up late that night and went to check on the guys, but Neo didn't make it. He died peacefully in his sleep. So, I knew I had to finish the sled fast. I found a butter knife and scraped Neo's frozen body from the floor and carried him outside. I tore and shredded Neo's poor body to pieces, making him fit perfectly. I had used their bodies as bumpers for the sled. Yankee was strapped on the front. I figured since he was the first to go, that he also should be the first to go down the mountain. Watch and Greg were tied onto the bottom of the sled, since they died together. Neo was ripped and used as side rails. Then I said a prayer to honor the fallen.
I woke Bennie bright and early for our trip down the mountain. He was really out of it, talking nonsense. We loaded what was left of the food onto the sled and started drifting slowly down. Taking our time so that what happened before didn't happen again. We had almost made it to the bottom, when out of no where, a cliff appeared. We steered as hard as we could to miss it, but we just couldn't. We flew through the air, knowing that we were about to die. I reached out and grabbed Bennie's hand and pulled him under me just before we hit the ground. I hated to do it, but I had to use him as a cushion.I walked for hours when I finally came upon a house. We called for help.
I've been on every television show there is and am now the richest woman on earth. Sorry Oprah. I opened a bar & grill called The Cold Shoulder. I have a line of specialty items like Yankee Butt Rub, Watch's Favorite Finger Tossed Salad, There's A Panther In My Pants Shaving Cream, BBQ Bennie Back Ribs, and Greg Salad Sandwiches.Life is good, and I do not regret this experience. It has taught me many things and I'm thankful for the meat that the men provided for me. God Bless and good night!
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