Recovery Thoughts...

I was in Austin all weekend for my brother’s wedding. It was very nice and a good time was had by all. There was lots of drinking by the wedding party which I was a member, but I did not drink. It was strange. I really never think about doing drugs. It is just a non-issue for me. When I touched down in Austin at the airport I had a very strange feeling like I wanted to use. I was back in Austin, in the part of town where all the bad stuff is located. I had to catch a taxi to be brought to the wedding rehearsal and the guy drove me right down K blvd, I kind of freaked when I saw several streets that I used to roll down when I was using. It was really strange being on that side of town and seeing those streets. I had so many different thoughts going on inside my head that it was crazy like “wouldn’t it be nice” kind of thing and then I snapped back into reality! What the hell was I thinking? I knew that it was a non-possibility and that I would never go down those streets again. I have over 5.5 years and way too much to lose over some bullshit like that. Being sober is the best think that I could have done in my life. It was part of a not so natural maturing process that I have undergone over the last 5+ years. I am very grateful for my sobriety. And let me be clear on this; it has been over 5.5 years since I drank and may 15, 2008 it will be 5 years of continued clean life with no drugs.

Some people go their whole live and never recover. The Big Book promises that it does happen! You do not have to go through life and be a miserable “recovering” person, you CAN and WILL RECOVER if you do what is suggested in the book!

God Bless everyone…

RMStringer

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

"Your life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced

equation inherent to the programming of the matrix.

You are the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite

my sincerest efforts I have been unable to eliminate

from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision.

While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not

unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control.

Which has led you, inexorably, here." - The Architect, The Matrix Reloaded

Changes to brain after cocaine abuse

I saw this article while i was reading on Reddit. I thought that i was very interesting as i have done posts on the 12-Steps and my Recovery. It is a very interesting article.

Researchers have uncovered a key genetic switch that chronic cocaine or stress influences to cause the brain to descend into a pathological state. In studies with mice they showed how chronic cocaine changes gene activity to enhance the addictive reward from the drug. And they showed similarly how chronic stress induces the same kinds of changes that hypersensitizes the brain, causing depression-like symptoms.

The researchers said their basic finding in the animals could lead to better treatments for addiction, depression and other psychiatric disorders.

Eric Nestler and colleagues published their findings in the November 8, 2007, issue of the journal Neuron, published by Cell Press.

In their experiments, the researchers explored how chronic cocaine or stress exerts “epigenetic” control of genes in the brain. Such control involves repressing or activating genes by altering the structure of the chromatin that enwraps genes. Specifically, the researchers explored whether chronic cocaine or stress affect an enzyme called histone deacetylase 5 (HDAC5). Normally, HDAC5 represses specific genes by removing molecules called acetyl groups from the histone proteins that make up the chromatin surrounding them. The researchers’ previous studies had shown that chronic cocaine administration in mice caused an increase in acetyl groups in a brain region called the nucleus accumbens (NAc), known to be involved in response to cocaine or stress.

The researchers’ studies showed that giving mice chronic cocaine led to a reduction in HDAC5, allowing some 172 genes to be activated. What’s more, they found that this loss of HDAC5 in the NAc made the mice more sensitive to the reward of chronic cocaine. They determined the animals’ reward-sensitivity to cocaine by measuring the mice’s preference for an area of a box that they were taught to associate with receiving cocaine.

The researchers also studied whether the animals’ adaptation to chronic stress involved HDAC5 levels. In these experiments, they exposed mice to aggressive mice and measured the resulting depressive behavior. The researchers found that such stress also reduced HDAC5 function, although through a different mechanism than for chronic cocaine.

“These data demonstrate a crucial role for HDAC5 in regulating behavioral adaptations to chronic stress as well as chronic cocaine and suggest that HDAC5 contributes to a molecular switch between acute stress responses and more long-lasting depression-like maladaptations,” wrote the researchers.

“The functions of HDAC5 described here provide new insight into the pathogenesis of drug addiction, depression, and other stress-related syndromes,” they wrote. “This fundamentally new insight into the molecular underpinnings of chronic maladaptation in brain could lead to the development of improved treatments for addiction, depression, and other chronic psychiatric disorders.”


What is your opinion?
Blogroll Me!

A few memories…

When I was born, it was in Austin Texas. I was born at Seaton Memorial, which is no longer there. It has been torn down. We lived in campus housing there at UT and some apartments on North Lamar Blvd. They are still there. Soon afterward, we moved to Kirbyville Texas where I lived until my 8th grade year then I moved to Jasper to live with my mother and I graduated from Jasper High school in 1989.

Throughout my whole life I always wanted to live as far away from there as I could, I even said that I wanted to live in New Your City, I got very close to there, Massachusetts was about 5 hours from there. I also felt this incredible draw to Austin Texas. I did make it back to Austin, but it was not what I expected.

I was a big partier when I was about 18 years old until I was 29 and I decided to get my life straightened out. All the while, I always had the vision or dream if you will about if I was able to go and live in Austin that my life would be complete. I would have the friends that I wanted to have and the job that I needed, the girl, bla bla bla and so on and so forth. I can still picture that scene with me and my friends walking down a street in Austin laughing and joking with each other. I can still remember the clothes and hair that I would have as strange as that is.

Looking back on this dream, I can tell that I was part of my addiction manifesting itself at an early age. I was never really comfortable in my own skin even at an early age; I had friends and had what I wanted, but it was more than that. I was an unrest that I could never put my finger upon until later in my life after I got clean and sober. I have been clean and sober for over 5 years now. I did make it to my promise land, Austin, and the things that I sought after for so many years did not come to fruition. I was deeply in the throes of my addiction at that time and was miserable with myself and everyone around me.

Some good did come out of me moving to Austin, I did get clean and I did get married to a very special and wonderful person whom I love and admire. I have a wonderful daughter. I have a family of my own and even though at times it might be hard, I would not trade it for anything in the world. We have done more in the last 5+ years together then I could have ever have hoped for when I was out there suffering with my disease. My life has turned out well, better that I could have hoped for thanks to my wife who has stood there for me when times were bad.


With that, I bid you a good night…


What is your opinion?
Blogroll Me!