A New Better Way...another insight into me.

cor·ol·lar·y (kôr'ə-lĕr'ē, kŏr'-) n., pl. -ies.
-A proposition that follows with little or no proof required from one already proven.
-A deduction or an inference.
-A natural consequence or effect; a result.

adj.
Consequent; resultant.
[Middle English corolarie, from Latin corōllārium,
money paid for a garland, gratuity, from corōlla, small garland. See corolla.]

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Perhaps what I intend with opening up myself about my life is to give a few suffering people our there HOPE!! Perhaps the corollary to all of this is a new better way to live. The Big Book talks about in great detail. If you were like me, I had better living thru chemistry for over 1/2 of my life. At some point you, if you are/were like me, need to try it! Is it easy?? HELL NO!! One point that I would like to make is that when I was out drugging, I had some "good times" but were they real and was I living on life's terms? NO! I was living on my terms that every once and a while came into accordance with "normal" life. I did not like living life on its own terms. It was and still is a hard lesson to learn. I still try to "buck the system" but life will push back. I know better now than to try to live any other way by trying to implement some of what I have talked about in the last several Recovery Posts. Were not done with the 12 Steps or my series, we still have a long journey to traverse.

Living life in its terms for me is a journey. I would say that I have had some really crappy days in doing that. But I would also say that in this time, some of my worst days in sobriety have no been as bad as my "best" days of living polluted. Sometimes, I relive those days, remember the sensations and experiences. Some were scary that involved very bad places where I could have been killed. So I can say that in sobriety, I have not had to go there again. So even if my day has gone all to hell, I can say that I will not be in that bad spot again. I mean don’t get me wrong, some of my polluted days were times that some people dream about but would never do!

I lived very hard in that 1/2 life and I think that if I had to do it over and was given a second chance, I really can’t say that I would have done it differently. The reason why is all of those experiences make me who I am today. A person is the sum of his experiences and if I had not lived like that and gone thru some of that stuff, then I could not sit here and try to give some suffering people reading this little page a glimmer of hope. I do not know if anyone reading this get anything out of it, but I can hope.

During my "Spiritual Awakening" that I had in LAHA, I was told some very powerful things. It happened with my counselor and me during a one on one secession. I will not go in to all the specifics, but one I will say is that I was told that I will reach and help people that only I can talk to. An addendum to this is one day in church, many months after this, I was told the same things, that I will/am supposed to help people that only I can reach. It scared the hell out of me that day and I shook for several hours after that event, but I had a different understand of life after that fact. We all have something to contribute to the greater scheme of things; we just need to find it. It is by The Grace Of God that I did not end up in jail or Dead, I truly and whole heartedly believe that because there were many situations where that could have happened.

So I just felt like giving more information to you my readers. Please do not think that I have the answers as I am still finding them out my self. Life is a journey and not a destination, we are here but a small time compared to the grand scheme of things. I was given a second chance by God, by my wonderful wife Sondra with her, none of this would have been possible. I love her dearly and I still screw up royally, but all I can do is ask for forgiveness and try to live better…

What is your opinion?

In Memoriam...

I will be out of pocket so they say due to a death in my fmaily. My grandmother has passed away this evening in Texas and we have to go there...



Tell Me What You Think...

Work, Life, and Living...

Well, today I was really tired and I did not want to get up out of bed at 5am. It is a very cold morning and we are going to get some ice and sleet today and tonight.

It has been a very long journey to get me where I am today. I, we, started off in Texas. My wife and I went to school together. We did not date or associate with each other, but we knew of one another. Fast forward. I graduated in 1989 and she in 1988. I ran into her in the year 2000 back in out hometown of Jasper at a bar in the woods called Solley's Discotheque. Really, it was in a filed with a cattle-guard to cross over. We kind of new each other, but we got to talking and reacquainted. We started to date. She lived in Houston and I was living at the lake. I was offered a job in Indiana and I moved there during the fall. We broke up, but decided to get back together and date. I was let go by the company and I had to move back to Texas. She flew up to Indiana and helped me pack my stuff and move back.

So she and I continue to date and fell in love as they say, she in Houston and I at the lake once again. This time, her company closed her office and she was offered a job in Austin Texas. She accepted and we decided to move in together. This was about summer of 2001. We lived in Austin for about 2 years and we got married on December 21, 2002. We were married in Jasper at a church that her cousin was the preacher and her grandfather had built. I went back to college and knocked out a year of AutoCAD and electronic design. By late spring 2003, she found a job in Denver Colorado. It would be a great promotion for her and I encouraged her to accept, So off we went to Highlands Ranch Colorado.

We were in corporate housing for 3 months and then we got in our house. It was nice and we loved it. We had good neighbors and a very good church. Sondra got wind of a promotion in Massachusetts; it would be a good career move for her. We hated to leave Colorado, it was soo beautiful, but we did...

Massachusetts was a whole different beast. Very hot summers, cold winters, no creature comforts like we had in Colorado, I.E. Rec Center, swimming pools, that sort of stuff. We lived in Gardner Mass, in the "alpine" region, about 40 miles North West of Worcester. We had a ski mountain about 20 minuets from our house. That was a good thing. I felt like we were wondering in the desert for 40 years like Moses while we lived there. What made it livable was our little haven, our cul-de-sac with 7 other families. We all lived in new houses with big yards. It was kind of isolated from the rest of the degradation of the city. The bad side about it was Sondra was 62 miles from Boston, where her office was located. She had a 2.5 hour commute and parking was very expensive.

We were living and learning, I had a good job with a company I liked and she loved her job even with the long hours away from home. Her company had other plans and decided to close her region and that would put her out of a job or displace her. She looked around at different jobs at different places, but if she started over, she would loose her tenure and all vacation time that she had amassed. She took the job here in Richmond, her company’s corporate office and that is how we ended up here...

More to come later

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