A New Better Way...another insight into me.

cor·ol·lar·y (kôr'ə-lĕr'ē, kŏr'-) n., pl. -ies.
-A proposition that follows with little or no proof required from one already proven.
-A deduction or an inference.
-A natural consequence or effect; a result.

adj.
Consequent; resultant.
[Middle English corolarie, from Latin corōllārium,
money paid for a garland, gratuity, from corōlla, small garland. See corolla.]

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Perhaps what I intend with opening up myself about my life is to give a few suffering people our there HOPE!! Perhaps the corollary to all of this is a new better way to live. The Big Book talks about in great detail. If you were like me, I had better living thru chemistry for over 1/2 of my life. At some point you, if you are/were like me, need to try it! Is it easy?? HELL NO!! One point that I would like to make is that when I was out drugging, I had some "good times" but were they real and was I living on life's terms? NO! I was living on my terms that every once and a while came into accordance with "normal" life. I did not like living life on its own terms. It was and still is a hard lesson to learn. I still try to "buck the system" but life will push back. I know better now than to try to live any other way by trying to implement some of what I have talked about in the last several Recovery Posts. Were not done with the 12 Steps or my series, we still have a long journey to traverse.

Living life in its terms for me is a journey. I would say that I have had some really crappy days in doing that. But I would also say that in this time, some of my worst days in sobriety have no been as bad as my "best" days of living polluted. Sometimes, I relive those days, remember the sensations and experiences. Some were scary that involved very bad places where I could have been killed. So I can say that in sobriety, I have not had to go there again. So even if my day has gone all to hell, I can say that I will not be in that bad spot again. I mean don’t get me wrong, some of my polluted days were times that some people dream about but would never do!

I lived very hard in that 1/2 life and I think that if I had to do it over and was given a second chance, I really can’t say that I would have done it differently. The reason why is all of those experiences make me who I am today. A person is the sum of his experiences and if I had not lived like that and gone thru some of that stuff, then I could not sit here and try to give some suffering people reading this little page a glimmer of hope. I do not know if anyone reading this get anything out of it, but I can hope.

During my "Spiritual Awakening" that I had in LAHA, I was told some very powerful things. It happened with my counselor and me during a one on one secession. I will not go in to all the specifics, but one I will say is that I was told that I will reach and help people that only I can talk to. An addendum to this is one day in church, many months after this, I was told the same things, that I will/am supposed to help people that only I can reach. It scared the hell out of me that day and I shook for several hours after that event, but I had a different understand of life after that fact. We all have something to contribute to the greater scheme of things; we just need to find it. It is by The Grace Of God that I did not end up in jail or Dead, I truly and whole heartedly believe that because there were many situations where that could have happened.

So I just felt like giving more information to you my readers. Please do not think that I have the answers as I am still finding them out my self. Life is a journey and not a destination, we are here but a small time compared to the grand scheme of things. I was given a second chance by God, by my wonderful wife Sondra with her, none of this would have been possible. I love her dearly and I still screw up royally, but all I can do is ask for forgiveness and try to live better…

What is your opinion?