A Lady liberal wrote a lot of letters to the White House
complaining about the treatment of a captive insurgent
(terrorist) being held in Guantanamo Bay. She received
back the following reply:
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, D.C. 20016
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our
treatment of the Taliban and Al Quada detainees currently
being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
Our administration takes these matters seriously and your
opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington.
You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of
citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of
the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the
"Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or
LARK for short.
In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we
have decided to place one terrorist under your personal
care.
Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for
transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence
next Monday.
Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him
Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you
personal ly demanded in your letter of complaint. It will
likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant
caretakers.
We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your
standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those
you so strongly recommended in your letter.
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we
hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his
"attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these
character flaws.
Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as
mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to
offer counseling and home schooling.
Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in
hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with
such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise
that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at
your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide
variety of explosive devices from common household
products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up,
unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.
Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters
(except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman
form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject
for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies
around women who fail to comply with the new dress code
that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.
I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by
the burka -- over time.
Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his
culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you
put it?
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when
folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do
our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember. we'll
be watching.
Good luck!
Cordially, your friend,
Don Rumsfeld
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