A friend of Bill W’s…Part 2

Here is part 2 of my story...
It is difficule to tell this story because I go back and forth to Illustrate how things and issues fit together, so bare with me.

Well, I had admitted that I was powerless and that my life was unmanageable. That much was apparent. I was at that stage in my addiction, going on binges and staying gone for several days and cleaning out my bank account. So, I went to Rehab.

While I was in LAHA, we went to meetings and group secessions. Chris Raymer in his morning “Town Hall” meeting drove the point home to us that this is a 3-fold disease: Mind, Body,Spirit. You have to treat all 3 parts or it will fail. See, about 10% of the population are genetically different than the rest of society in that we process “mind altering” substances different. If a “normal” person drinks/drugs, they may like it and abuse it, but given sufficient reason to STOP, they can. Take for instance, a normie gets a DWI and looses his license. That would/should be reason enough for ANYONE to stop. For an addict, it will be, but only for a time period, days, weeks, etc. This disease makes him/her forget about the consequences that have just happened and he/she will go out and do it again. Addicts will try to blame everything on “External” reasons for their problems. I got in a fight with my g/f, I had a crappy day at work, those were all external reasons. The problem was with us, an internal problem.

I liked to drink and drug. It was fun in the beginning. I could handle it. I needed it to feel normal or what I thought was normal. I, in the beginning, did not know what cravings were, but I did no when it was time to get “fixed up” and feel on an even keel so to speak. I knew this as early as 1990, my second years of college. I partied a long time and I was able to control it. I was a very functional addict through those times. I was a Coke/Crack addict from 1993-2001. That is a very long time. In that time, I saw people spend entire fortunes, loose houses, cars and wives. It was total carnage and I was going through the middle of it.

See, I could not remember that my girlfriend at that time, now my wife, told me if I go out again, she would leave me. My disease told me to go get high, but only enough to satisfy the cravings that I was having. That final spree was horrible. I was going to fill out applications at a place in Austin, but the cravings were just too strong for me to deal with. I had to get my soul quiet and fill the void that was devouring me a little at a time. So I did…but I only planned to do a little, but that turned to about 3 days

I drove around Austin Texas getting high and was on a psychotic episode. I saw my family in every car that was on the road, or at least a member of my family. They would look at me and be sad or mad depending on what I was doing at that moment. I heard police sirens the whole time I was out and I thought that every other car was a cop. I got a speeding ticket during that time and you know what I did to calm my nerves? I went and bought more crack. WOW, how insane is that? It is only by the Grace of God that I did not go to jail or die from an overdose. As you can see, I was not in control of my life in the least bit, my addiction was in FULL SWING and I had hit “Rock Bottom” I knew that I needed help and that I could not make it on my own anymore.

While I was in LAHA, we worked on steps, but hammered on Step 1 & 2. Step one along with the drugs got me there, then I had to work on Step 2. I had to believe that a Power Greater than my self could restore me to sanity. This would seem to be an easy task; to believe in something bigger than my self and ego. Well Try it...

in·sane -/in seyn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-seyn]
–adjective
1. not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.
2. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is mentally deranged: insane actions; an insane asylum.
3. utterly senseless: an insane plan.

Let’s look at this word. Insane. Another definition is and it applies to addicts is “doing the same thing and expecting different outcome” See every time I went out to drug it up, I expected a different outcome!! I was insane!! IT is like hitting your hand with a hammer repeatedly and not expecting it to hurt the next time. The “power” could have been a tree if you did not believe in God, Jesus or something like that, it did not matter! The only thing was to believe in something more powerful than yourself. Because under your power, your best foot forward; Your power got you to rehab!! My power got me nowhere except broke, tired and addicted. Thank God I got to rehab…to get some help where all else had failed, all of my best intentions and promises failed.

SO, I believed that “power” greater than myself could and would restore me to a better way of think. It was apparent that my thinking was off, so I had to try it by learning a better way or a different way. This was the essence of Step 2 which i will get into more soon.

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My Dad...

Years ago, my Dad owned one of these planes. I was about 5 years old and I remember going flying with him on Sunday afternoons all over East Texas. I would sometimes fall asleep while he would be doing "Take-Offs" and "Landings" at the different regional airstrips around Southeast Texas in the balmy summer air...

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Verizon Wireless... Bunkgrades!!

Well folks, we decided to go totally wireless in our home. We are going to turn of the home phone in a few days to save money. We all have cell phones and now all have local Richmond numbers. It is also time to upgrade our cells...

SO this morning at 8.30am, after I got home from work, we went to the Verizon Wireless store. We got our numbers changed and we were looking at new cells. We thought that when it was time for us to change phones out that we had a $100 credit per phone...WRONG!!!! We are on a family plan. Only the main phone gets the $100 credit and the other people have to pay $FULL$ PRICE for their "new" phone. That really sucked a big one!! Here we all had found new, better, bigger, stronger, faster cells and what a letdown...

They got you by the balls on this one. The fam plan will save money, but not on hardware costs. So choose wisely when trying to decide on what plan to get when making that decision.

This was the phone that I was going to get. It is the LG VX8600.

Wewill see what happens...

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The Shield Season 5....Conscience is a killer!!!

Vic Mackey owns you...

Nuff Said on this topic...

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Candlebox...1993 "Change"

How many of you remember the "Grung" era? Alice In Chains were sill big as well as Pearl Jam, but a new style of music was starting to take hold as well. Candlebox was one of those bands. The had a hard rocking style as well as a pop infulence that was very radio friendly. This one song was a very good one, perhaps the best on their intro album aptly titled "Candlebox"

"CHANGE"
As I stand here
I ponder greater things
You're no longer a part of
A part of your lover's dreams
So much for your Common complications
So much for your Constant desperation
For what's to comeIt's all been written
Down, written down
But I feel that a change is
A change is gonna come
I said I feel so alive nowAnd you know I feel that a change is
A change is gonna come
As I sit here I'll tell you greater things
You're no longer a part of
A part of someone else's dreams
So much for yourCommon escalations
So much for your Constant fabrications
For what's to come
It's all been written down, down, down
I said for what's to come
For what's to come your way
It's all been written
Down, written down
But I feel that a change is
A change is gonna come
I said I feel so alive now
And you know I feel that a change is
A change is gonna come
Keep on time
Keep on time
You run along
Keep on child
Keep on child
You push it on
Keep on my time
I run around for you
Keep on time
Keep on time
You run along
Keep on child
Keep on child
You push it on
Keep on my time now
I run around for you
Run around for you
But you've gotta keep on, keep it on
You don't know yet
You don't know yet
You don't know yet
But you'll feel it in your soul
You don't know yet
You don't know yet
You don't know yet
But you feel it in your soul
Feel it in your soul now
Do you feel that a change is gonna come?
Do you feel that a change is gonna come?
No
As I lay hereI wanna fall asleep
No longer, No longer a part of
A part of your TV screen
A part of your TV dreams
I said so much for your
So much for your
So much for your
Your common complications
So much for your
Constant desperation
For what's to come it's all been written
Down, written down
But I feel that a change is
A change is gonna come
I said I feel so alive now
And you know I feel that a change is
A change is gonna come
Do you feel that a change is gonna come?...


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Moutain Bike Stuff...

I had to go today at Agee's and get my daughters bike fixed. I had to buy a new front wheel skewer as hers toe up and lost all the parts to it. I also had to purchase as adapter for my tire air stems. They were a totally different style and i FREAKED out about them on a Sunday morning as my air pump would not fit them. I cant get them change out either. They had the adapter for them. It only cost 2.99, so not to bad. I Hope to go riding soon, but i work all this weekend...

CIAO

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A Friend Of Bill W’s…Part 1, My Journey Begins.

I am going to do a series of posts over the next weeks on Addiction and Recovery using the 12 Steps or Alcoholics Anonymous. There are many 12 Step programs that can be chosen. I am breaking my Anonymity by doing so, although, I have never hidden the fact from anyone if they asked me about it. If I have one wish for this series it is not to alienate someone from reading my BLOG, but to help an addict or alcoholic out there still suffering and let them know that there is help out there for them.

Many of you don't know, but May 15 will be my 4 year Sober mark. No drinking or drugging. I can’t say that it has been easy or that it has been fun because it has not. Living life on Life’s terms is a very hard thing to do. They say that your stunt your emotional self the first time that you took you first drink or drug. So, if you started when you were 16, then when you finally got sober, you were of the maturity of a 16 year old. If you were 30 when you got sober, then you will have a lot of maturing to do.

I went into treatment in the year 2002 during that summer to La Hacienda (LAHA) in Hunt Texas for 30 days in-house where I met Chris Raymer (Alumni Director LAHA). I will get into him later in this series. I also met some very interesting people, Lawyers, Doctors, Preachers, Housewives; the list can go on and on. It was a hard time of being separated from my house and personal belongings except for my MiniDisc player and CD player to have some comfort from. I went to group meetings, group therapy; We had a family week where my then girlfriend, Mother, and grandmother came to stay. If you did well, you got to go off campus to eat and go to outside meetings, if not, you stayed there. I saw many people fail or get kicked out. Why I was able to “do the deal” so to speak; I guess that it was in God’s plan for me to make it.

Every Sunday was a big meeting in the center where your family could come and visit and you saw people come back to get their chips for being sober for different time periods. 30 days, 60 days,90 days, 6 months, 1 year and so on. They also had different speakers and someone lead the meetings.

For you to “recover” you need to have a total psychic make over. This can happen by the “burning bush” type of the “educational” type. I had the burning bush type. That place gave me a set of tools that enabled me to be able to recover from a “hopeless state of mind and body.” I did not do it alone. My journey was a spiritual one also, because Addiction is a disease of the mind, body, and the spirit. I am not talking church or anything like that. Don't get the two confused, they are not the same. You can be spiritual and go to church, or go to church and never get the whole spiritual aspect of the deal. I tried the church way several years before that and it did not work for me.

For me to start the journey, I had to be totally beat down from the disease! I could not do it on my own, that was evident! Church did not do it and going to meetings but not buying whole heartedly into the program did not work either. I had to do it all or none! No "Half Steps".Finally Step One of the Big Book was easy for me to admit. “We admitted that we were powerless over drugs/alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable” It took a while living as a functional addict to finally admit that. When I did, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and my way to recovery could begin. I learned that I did not have power over anything! Whatever power that I had, it had been given to me from God!

Don't get overly stressed with the God thing, I will explain this later. Just remember that for a person to “recover”, they have to treat the whole illness; The Mind, The Body, The Spirit. I also will use and interchange Alcohol and Drugs for one in the same during this series because they are the same. It is a disease the is progressive and terminal whose outcomes are Death or Institutions (Mental/Jail).

I am going to close this part for now…Rest assured, more will come. Part 2 Next week.

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Nothing to post about now...

You know when you have lots of things going on in your life and you are under lots of stress, well that is me at the moment. It appears that we are getting closer to finding out what is going to happen with our contracts here at Qimonda. I also found out that 3 of the employes are on different contracts than us, and if our contracts are ended, they will still be working. Yeah, Joy Joy!!

I have been very busy the last 2 weeks. I worked on Saturday night which really blew my weekend all to hell. I was off on Friday, slept that night, had to sleep all day Saturday for work, off Sunday with about 3 hours sleep that day and then my normal shift started today! - There are things that i need to get done around the house, but time is very precious at the moment. I turned the sprinklers on Sunday and tested them, no broken heads!!

I still need to get some fertiliazer and lime as well as snake and bud poision. We need to trim the hedges and once again, reseat the paver stones around the flowerbeds. I think that we are going to place a few steaks and string to keep people from walking in our yrar, mainly kids, to help the seed that was placed last year take hold and grow. These are just a few things that must get done to take care of our house as well as the inside stuff...

Well, i hope to have some interesting stuff to post about later tonight.

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Bombay Dub Orchestra...A Review...

As many of you know, I am a big music collector. The other day on the KLF List, there was a thread about a group called Bombay Dub Orchestra. They sounded interesting to me, so I checked them out. In my opinion, they fall under the Genre of Downtempo.

Now, I am not a big fan of Dub, on a whole. It is a sub-genre of reggae. Most of the dub I have heard was bass laden with slow drums and scattered vocals and sparse instrumentation.

BDO has a different approach to this genre. They have a lot of Trance elements as well as a 28 piece orchestra in the mix and Trip-Hop elements as well. The sounds capes are very lush to the point of being very atmospheric and experimental. The vocals are very tribal with a Mid-Eastern accent. You can hear very neat keyboard sequences and very lush layering of the instrumentation. Some of the songs are very familiar in sound with some ripe for film scoring with a 60s tint to the music. I can totally hear the different elements in the music and the have captured them in a style that works amazingly well in today's music scene. You can hear the dub elements in the bassline and the reverb-drenched, proto-psychedelic sounds of Jamaican dub.

They have a sound similar to Air, but with a 28 piece Indian String section. Their sound is more refined than that of Air's. Another band in this genre would be Thievery Corporation based out of Washington DC. Other significant acts include: Bonobo, Zero 7, Fila Brazillia, The Dining Rooms, Funki Porcini, Tosca, Kristallin, Pressure Drop, Urban Myth Club, Gotan Project, Sofa Surfers, Amon Tobin, Sundae Club, Glideascope, Saru, Röyksopp, dZihan & Kamien and Peace Orchestra.

If you like music to "chill" to in the late evening or listen to during the night, then I suggest Bombay Dub Orchestra as a good album to purchase and support. Lots of this music is produced and never gets to The States or is ever heard of by the general masses of the purchasing public. This is a great album by the U.K.-based duo of Garry Hughes (Björk, Sly & Robbie) and Andrew T. Mackay (VAST, Annie Leibovitz)

It is a shinning star in the sea of music that is today.

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Federal agency bans Microsoft Vista...

Well I for one knew that this was going to happen!!! No one wants to have to go to the new Vista Operating System. The American people are speaking out and are tired of being bullied by Microsoft. Most people are "happy" with their home computers and have way more power to do what they need to be able to do at home. Think about it, New MOBO, MORE RAM, NEW VIDEO CARD, NEW MONITOR...About $1200 for a baseline system.

Where as Xp with 2 gigs of ram will work wonderfully, Vista requires a minimum of 2 gigs to start with and if you go with the Vista 64 bit version, expect to need about 4 gigs of ram to start with. The only reason to upgrade to Vista is if your are a total gamer. The next version of Direct X being DX10 will only run on Vista, but if you are not a gamer and like your computer which uses Direct X 9.0c, then do not upgrade until you truly have to. I, for one, am not switching to Vista until I have to, or when they stop supporting Xp. They have plans to stop supporting Windows 2000 by 2008 and that will hurt a lot of companies. Our company uses 2000 for most of its applications...

DOT executive wary of software and labor costs, compatibility issues.
"WASHINGTON - At least two federal government agencies are refusing to upgrade their computers with Microsoft Corp.'s Windows Vista operating system, citing concern over costs and compatibility issues.In a Jan. 19 memo to staff, Dan Mintz, the Transportation Department's chief information officer, imposed an "indefinite moratorium" on upgrading desktop and laptop computers with the new operating system, Office 2007 and Internet Explorer 7."

Vista will bring most "current" machines to a crawl due to the new graphical interface and RAM requirements. Let’s take my machine for example. I have an AMD 3000+ Processor(2.12ghz) and 1.2gigs of RAM(366fsb) GeForce 6200(128 VRAM 8xAGP) I am VISTA compatible, but I would not be able to run the "FULL" Vista Media version because my video card will not support DX10. SO, why go to the "Next Best Thing" when I would reap none of the benefits? I did however upgrade to Internet Explorer 7, and Office 2007 which both I like. IE7 has some good new features as well as Office 2007. IE7 is a free upgrade, Office 2007 is not. It is well worth the money for the Office 2007 upgrade.

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Geology and stuff...

For many years I have been a rock collector. I have many Geodes and crystals that are very pretty. I bought a crystal from Africa one year that is brown and very large. I also bought a crystal structure while we were on vacation in Arkansas. It is over 1 foot long and about 8 inches wide with many crystal growths coming off of it. I would love to go and to be able to see these caves.

Now, while I was on the net last night, I saw a story that just blew me away!!It is called: Crystal Cave of the Giants - Discovery of the Largest Crystals on Earth They are from a mine called Penoles-Naica Mine of Chihuahua Mexico.

Here are some of the pics from that story:





This looks like something from out of a SCI/FI movie!! It remeindes me of a movie called The Core with Hilary Swank as one of the main characters. The forces that it took to creat these formations are just incredible.

Quote:

"These crystals are probably stable, as the temperature in the cave is over 150 degrees Fahrenheit with 100% humidity. In other words, these structures are enveloped in steam. A human can only function in this environment for six to ten minutes before severe loss of mental functions occurs. Found deep in a mine in southern Chihuahua Mexico, these crystals were formed in a natural cave totally enclosed in bedrock. When I first stepped into the cavern it was like walking into the Land of the Giants. I have often admired crystal geodes held in my hand, but when photographing these unique natural structures it was almost impossible to get any sense of scale. This is a geode full of spectacular crystals as tall as pine trees, and in some cases greater in circumference. They have formed beautiful crystals that are a translucent gold and silver in color, and come in many incredible forms and shapes. Some of the largest are essentially columnar in shape and stand thirty to fifty feet high and three to four feet in diameter. Many of the smaller examples are four to six feet in circumference, have many incredible geometrical shapes, and probably weigh in excess of ten tons. The columnar pillars are at first the most striking shape, but later I noticed there were thousands of "sharks teeth" up to three feet high placed row upon row and dispersed at odd angles throughout the caverns. While some of the crystals are attached to the ceiling walls and floors of the cave as might be expected, some exist in great masses of spikes and almost float in air. These crystals seem to defy gravity, as they must weigh several tons."

I also found some other pics from another site called The Cellar to demonstrate just how big this place really is.

My many thanks goes to Richard D. Fisher Photographer/Explorer of The Crystal Cave of the Giants and Brothers, Juan and Pedro Sanchez for having the foresight to not drill any farther into the caves and for bringing the amazing pictures and wonder to the rest of the world.

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Tonight...

It has been a bla night. I have a lot on my mind and not much to talk about. I am stressed about work and contracts, or the lack of them soon. We just dont know about what is going to happen here at Qimonda...

I hope to have some stuff to post about Tonight...



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Photos and Stuff

I just organized the pics to different sets on FilckR.

GO and Check them out!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rmstringer/sets/


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AudioVisual Institute Of America...

The Audiovisual Institute Of America

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This week...

This week will be a very busy one. I will be in Culpeper VA from Monday till Tuesday night working on the Audio Visual Institute Of America Project that is on 522 and 3 intersections. I hope to have some pics of the building as it is being built into the side of a mountain. I will post some pics on Wednesday night.

This pic is an artist's rendering of what it will look like. I will post a few shots of it as it looks now. I have been working on and off at the project for the last 9 months for Sun Control Systems in Rockville Maryland. We have been installing Mechoshades and controllers for the front of the building.

I will return to work here at Qimonda on Wednesday night and Thursday night for my normal shifts. It is going to be very tiring this week.






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BS or Not, You decide...

They say that it is flying 1 meter off the ground, I am NOT buying it at all...

It looks like they Photoshoped the hell out of it...

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Powhite Park...

At 7.30am this morning, it was 33degrees... FREAKING COLD!!! We met at the park to go and do an early morning ride and met there at 8.15am, still 33degrees. Mark, Anders, and myself all met up, Mark and Anders got acquainted, as he works at the same Fab as I do. He is from Germany.

It was my inaugural ride of my new bike on the trails! SO we started off slow so I could get the "feel" of the new bike's geometry. It is drastically different from my old bike. It is much easier to ride then my old one as well, 8lbs Vs. 22lbs. Very BIG difference. 24 speed Vs. 21 speed also makes a big difference as well. So, off we went up the trails.

For the first time, I was able to make it over the tree obstacles that I did not do on my old bike. The new one has more ground clearance and my other bike would drag the pedals on the wood. This one did not. So, in that respect, I was very proud of my self. We finally made it to the Half pipe!! At the beginning of it, it is about 6 feet deep and to start it, you have to go threw it to get to the other side of the trail. In the past, I would make it over a root that was at the top, parallel to the ground because my momentum would carry me over it. This time however, it did not and I crashed!! The bike is lighter than my old one and its front tire just went along the root...CRASH!!! I think that I was more worried about my bike getting messed up than I was myself! My knee is a little banged up, but I am ok.

The rest of the ride was AWSOME!!! The Half Pipe ROCKS!! Having Disk breaks is totally different from the old style breaks. With Disks, you can stop on a dime!! So this too, was a learning period. When you are riding down the single track trails, you have to make minor adjustments with both breaks to navigate over roots, rock, and other obstacles. Having good breaks allows you to do this, but learning on a new set of breaks, takes some time to do.

After we made it down the Half-Pipe, we made another round up a different trail, all leading up to the Half Pipe once again. All trails lead to it. So, all in all, It was a very good ride this morning and I can’t wait to go and do another.


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FlickR Photos...

I have been doing some updating on my FlickR page with some of my pics that I have been taking over the past several years. I hope that you enjoy them.

Also, if you live in the Richmond area and love photography, then join the
The Richmond Photography Meetup Group
I just joined and I will tell you how it is.


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New Music out soon.

Well, we have a few new albums coming out this next month. Among these are Front Line Assembly and VNV Nation.

FLA's new album will be out on April 24 and it is titled "Fallout" It will have 3 new tracks as well as nine remixed tracks from previous albums.

01. Unleashed (Mindless Mix by Sebastian R. Komor)

02. Buried Alive (Dj (?) Acucrack Mix by Jason Novak)

03. Beneath The Rubble (Combichrist Remix)

04. Electric Dreams

05. Armageddon

06. Social Enemy (Anti-Social Mix by Jeremy Inkel)

07. Lowlife (Remix by Portion Control)

08. Humanity (Kearley Edit Remix by Dan Kearley)

09. Reprobate (Lowlife) (Remixed by Greg Reely)

10. Domination (Unleashed) (Remixed by Rhys Fulber)

11. The Storm (Covenant Remix)

12. Unconscious

I have followed FLA since 1992 when their album called "Tactical Neural Implant" came out. It was heave synth laden album with incredible synth work and apocalyptic lyrics and awesome samples. Vancouver-based musician Bill Leeb, a founding member of Skinny Puppy, Leeb moved on to form FLA in 1986 with Michael Balch, releasing some cassettes (since released as Total Terror I & II) which paved the way for their 1987 releases: The Initial Command, State of Mind, and Corrosion. In late 1988, they recorded the mini-LP Disorder, since combined with Corrosion and released as Corroded Disorder. Their 1989 release, Gashed Senses and Crossfire, further cemented their popularity in the industrial scene, and prompted their first world tour. By 1990, Balch had departed and Rhys Fulber rounded out the duo.

I have all of their albums. I took some time to collect all of the FLA albums and singles as they span over 25 years. They also have many side projects. The most noted to date being Delerium. With all of the combined albums, I have nearly 80 total! This includes all the side projects as well. A good resource for this band is called Mindphaser.

01. Prelude

02. The Farthest Star

03. Testament

04. Descent

05. Momentum

06. Nemesis

07. Secluded Spaces

08. Illusion

09. Carry You

10. As It Fades
VNV Nation's new album will be out April 10, 2007. The name VNV Nation stands for "Victory Not Vengeance;" a motto that means that one should strive to achieve, not just sit in bitter regret. Their music is IDM (Industrial Dance Music) with a little twist. Ronan Harris's lyrics are a bit different as the are not downtrodden as with most Industrial music, but aver very uplifting and enlightening. I think that their music is a natural progression for that genre. I just got into their music about 6 months ago and I was total blown away by it. The pounding synth bass lines and Trance like melodies with his lyrical content blew me away. I suggest you give them a try, I bet you won’t be disappointed.

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Google Image Ripper

I found this little utility and it works very well. I tried it and did a few searches and it pulled a wide range of pics, some safe for work and some not. If you are like me, this is a handy little tool to have access to. I also tried to incorporate this into my site and it worked.

"The Google Image Ripper which gives you a page of full-sized images grabbed from Google Images results. Just enter a search term and image size (for some reason you can’t just view all sizes), and Image Ripper takes all the search results from Google Images, grabs the actual photo they point to, and displays them on a long single page (pictures along the right). Google Images’ thumbnails often do a very poor job of helping you compare images, so this inelegant solution gives you everything you need to know, just the facts."


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